a little mixed upman i'm going to miss you guys something awful.
today i experienced some grief about this. it just keeps coming, here and there, in unexpected waves. it kinda pisses me off.
this is the end of an era for me. sharepoint training has finally been approved, and we have real sharepoint projects in the pipeline, and finally, some end user licenses to go with them. we've still got years worth of domino stuff to do. but the writing is on the wall, in big fat purple comic sans.
this past year we had our practice pulled out from under us. a lot of stuff changed. i posted some things to the blog that i never thought i'd post. i lost my Lotus religion, for a bunch of reasons i don't feel like rehashing. ironic, since i'd lost my actual religion a few years before that. guess i should have seen that coming. my face is pretty good at catching pies. but at least i'm not alone in that around here. ;)
honestly though, this whole thing turned out to be a good opportunity to re-evaluate practically everything career-wise, along with my long term goals and desires. what do i really want out of life?
i figured out some years ago, well into my career as a geek, that what i really wanted to do was write novels for a living. i've been working on that for a good long time now, and though i still don't have anything to publicly show for it, i know i'm getting good enough at it that, well, i can sort of see the light at the end of the tunnel. it's going to happen. but that's another adventure, one i can't talk about since i'm not quite on it yet.
so, when i say i've been re-evaluating, that's only sort of true. i've known for a while that a career change was coming. not the kind where i stop doing notes and start doing sharepoint. i mean the kind where i never, ever write another line of code for another corporate entity, ever. unless that entity belongs wholly to me.
but in the near term, well, missing lotusphere is another stone on the path away from the life i knew. right at the present moment, that hurts some. yes, i'll still be around online. but how long before the technical content on planetlotus is no longer useful to me? how long before lotusphere itself is, from a technology standpoint, irrelevant to what i'm doing every day? the more those things are true, the less incentive i'll have to stay tuned. that's the facts, even though i have, in no uncertain terms, made lifelong friends in this community.
anyway i'm feeling a little mixed up right now. i hope LOTS of people are around on saturday, cuz that's the only day i'll get to see you. you know, in person, so i can hug you and tell jokes and drink too much beer with you and all that good stuff.
see you soon. :-)
p.s. volker i'm going to miss you too. :-)
p.p.s. the Long Goodbye post has been reinstated, mostly because it's a moment in my personal history that is important to me. i'm pretty sure ibm is big enough to deal with it. if they aren't, then things are worse than even i imagined.
discussion thread| 1 |
Well put, my friend... As I'm in much the same position, I'll be hitting that same January issue likely sooner than later. But for now, I can pretend it doesn't exist for another few months. :)
| 2 |
I really, really wish I could justify going down to Orlando for Saturday. I will miss seeing you, and the rest of the community.
| 3 |
Nice post, nice to see you are thinking about the writing. It is a higher calling.
See you Sat nite, late as I am driving up.
| 4 |
sigh... hope you can make lunch tomorrow, but will definitely see you Sat. Man... so many missing this year :(
| 5 |
thanks guys. Rich I'll miss seeing you for sure. :(
Joe i'll see you tomorrow sir!
| 6 |
John, this post isn't entirely fair. I know for a fact you have options available inside this community. I'm the last person on earth to want to keep you from your dream of being a novelist instead of a Sharepoint developer -- but that's a false dichotomy. You have options in the Lotus community, and some of them might mean big choices, but certainly smaller than the idea of writing novels for a living.
I'm not arguing with the warm sentiment of what you're saying in this post. It breaks my heart that I'll only get to enjoy your company for a single evening in Orlando -- and you know that. But there's a fundamental decision point about your employer vs. your platform. Is it more important to work for the same company, or work with the same technology? This is a very debatable point. It's unfortunate that it would come up, but honestly, if GBS's CEO came to me tomorrow saying "build a Notes to Sharepoint transformer" I would face the same question. It's never happened, but it certainly could, and no one should think I don't contemplate that situation every day.
I have to. Where would that leave Tim or Colin or Peter or the Keiths if I didn't?
But once you look closely at that question, the answer is clear: 1) don't let it happen in the first place; 2) even if it does, know that it will take a decade.
That's a lot of time to explore possibilities. You're not going to be an outsider in March, sir. We'll still love you whether you're at Kimono's or not! :-)
| 7 |
It's some kind of funny, but after weeks of intense research work for an intranet strategy, I come to the same conclusion: spending more time and money on the Notes topic does not make much sense for me and a lot of my clients. After more than 10 years as independent consultant in a lot of Notes development and infrastructure projects, I will head on towards a new trail. SharePoint will come across my way a lot more often than Notes ...
| 8 |
Change comes to us all. Not always in the form of Sharepoint, but life is all about change. You have no control of what the world around you chooses to do, only control of how you choose to address change.
You, John, are not defined by your Lotus skills. They may have been the ticket that brought you into the community, where a lot of us have had the pleasure of meeting you, but the impression that sticks, is not one formed by your knowledge of technology, but one formed by the depth of your personality, your willingness to invite people in close to you and your daring in allowing yourself to just be your own, relaxed, not always conforming, natural self.
You are the kind of person who make a difference to people. You stand tall, make yourself heard, take your battles and come out stronger.
[geez what a babbling rant I'm on]
Anyway ... You will be missed enormously during the week ... the muted pitter-patter of little Vibram Five Fingers on the boardwalk ... but for me, "jonvon" will always be a part of what Lotusphere is all about. A sharing, giving profound spirit (and some drunken good times).
I'm certain that you have the ability to succeed at just about anything you put yourself up to. It may be a long journey, it make take sacrifices and struggles, but you will persevere, if you really want it, be it Sharepoint, Notes or novels about the wild man inside you.
To quote Carlos Castaneda: “Look at every path closely and deliberately, then ask ourselves this crucial question: Does this path have a heart? If it does, then the path is good. If it doesn't, it is of no use.”
Hope to see you saturday!
| 9 |
It seems that it's the community combined with the technology that you are missing. Many developers are going through a similar process being re-trained into something else. I know it sux (alot), you had this world you were quite comfortable with and it's getting turned upside down. Them is the breaks... You can't do alot to change the infrastructure around you but you sure can deal with it in a way to get you out of this rut.
I have to say that if you continue to keep your focus on what was, it will really mess you up. To keep your sanity, I can only advise that you can seize the opportunity to learn new technology. The people will not only stay around you, but you'll grow your network.
I look into my crystal ball and this is what I can see emerging. You'll be getting trained up in Sharepoint and C#, the projects are scheduled.
You'll be presented with unique problems that will challenge your skills because of the integration that will be required with many applications that will hang around for easily a year or two with the new environment.
You can blog about the process, ask questions, and offer first hand advice that many others are going through as well. The people out there are only gone if you want them to be. Ask to goto the MS conferences to check it out. The market may be in the toilet, but the contacts and friendships you have can endure can't they ?
So you can continue to yearn for the past, or embrace the changes and leverage the best of both worlds. So, sorry for the cliche, you can make the cup half full if you want to.
The big tradeoff is that Lotusphere is not sponsored by your employer. If you think you need to go, then dammit, if you can pay for it yourself, then take some annual leave and go and have a good time.
| 10 |
If your recent posts are any indication, the writing gig will suit you very well Mr. V. :-) That said, when it comes to the coding life and all the rest of it, the friends you have will stay with you: technology is just a fleeting thing that changes. Don't sweat it (and take comfort that many of us are on similar journeys).
| 11 |
wow there's a lot to respond to here...
Nate... it's true i've had some interest from people in the community, and it's all been heartening, but none of it worked out for various reasons. and that's all i'm going to say about that publicly. :)
fwiw, just so everyone is clear, i'm not feeling like an outsider when it comes to my friends.
i guess posting about grief is tricky, because people always read stuff into what you are writing that isn't there. grief is something you just have to take at face value. it's a force of nature. i'm ok with it, not drowning, not losing it, just expressing. the thing is, grief is like a messenger telling you just how much you love the people you are missing. that's all. nothing more to see.
similarly, to giulio's comment (thank you sir), i'm not looking backward so much as i'm just missing my friends, and to be honest, the magic that is lotusphere. it's the coolest event of its kind i've ever personally been to.
Lars - love ya man. you are the best. and poetic too! wow! totally honored...
Ben - thank u sir. :) i shall endeavor to keep that in mind.
Peter - yeah there are a lot of options for intranets. if i could invent a new practice for myself (i don't want to since i have other goals) it wouldn't be based on anything the big players are selling. i'd be investigating CouchDb, Ruby on Rails, Drupal, basically anything that was open source. in other words i would be looking at things that are obviously valuable and looked like they had staying power and momentum, were free in terms of licensing, and were not subject to the whim of the big corporates.
just some ideas i've been turning over that, actually, i haven't said anything about before to anyone i don't think...
basically "losing my religion" goes deeper for me than just technological agnosticism. but that's another blog post. still working through some of the ideas around that, i guess.
| 12 |
Just know John, that no matter what happens, you've got a friend for life here. You've always been here for me, even in my darkest times, and for that I love ya.
I'm fully confident that no matter what path you travel, you'll be successful. Good things happen to good people. You sir, are good people.
Can't wait to see you Sat. night!
| 13 |
Love You Jon! Missing you this year, too!
My feelings are right in line with yours, word for word.
My Lotus world has been minimized by outsourcing and change to MS. I too have been given other opportunities for which I'm grateful and excited. I too am at a point in my life where I'm evaluating. What do I want to do with the second half of life. Kids are almost out of the house and life is going to change some more. But, Man, I love this community and it's hard to be a passive participant. Everyday, there are reminders of the past fun and learning of Lotusphere. Hope to see you soon!
| 14 |
Grey... ditto, back at you, and thanks so much. Great post today btw!!
{ Link }
Curt... thanks man... didn't realize you were going through that too. we've all got a path to move forward with.
| 15 |
:(
| 16 |
I never once made it to Florida, not in 16 years of doing Notes work... it always sounded fun, but it just never did happen.
Despite that, I sympathize with your grief.
It isn't about the actual conference, or what opportunities may or may not exist. It is a part of life that is on the decline, and it may even be a welcome decline, forcing you and I both into more creative pursuits. But still, it is a change...
Wait, What was my point again? Something about change and positively moving on or something... ah, well. Noodles and Chuckyen for dinner.
| 17 |
I'm glad I got the chance to talk to you for that split-moment at ESPN. It definitely felt not long enough.
I understand your grief. I felt it too even though I attended Lotusphere. So many of the old guard missing, and the folks that were there just seemed to have a lot of the wind knocked out of their sails. It's a battered community to be sure. There were some sparks of "amazing", though.
We ain't dead yet.
I only hope, wherever our collective and individual roads lead, that we're stronger when we get wherever it is we're going.